


Take Me To Church

by Navajo_Woman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Priest Castiel, Religion, Smut, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:25:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navajo_Woman/pseuds/Navajo_Woman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Father Cas is having a crisis of faith when he meets Dean Winchester. The attraction is immediate. Eventually Cas leaves the church to be with Dean, but he struggles finding his place in this world. He is raped (completely non-graphic but if this is a trigger, don't read this). But they both learn about the healing power of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take Me To Church

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to shine a light on the way many religions view Homosexuality. I also wanted to make a point about the violence that is perpetrated on gays every day. But really, this is a story of love, healing and redemption.
> 
> The chapter names are lyrics from my favorite Hozier song, Take Me To Church.

 

“Father, where should I put this box?”

“Just over there. Thank you, Mary, Sister Hannah will see to it.”

“Yes, Father.” Mary smiled brightly at him.

The annual clothes drive was in full swing, and Cas was bored. It was an important event in his parish. Many of his parishioners were poor, and the clothes that were donated now would help them out over the winter. But it was still boring to him.

Father Castiel was finding much of what he did boring these days. He was restless. Worse than that, he was in crisis. He lay awake at night questioning everything. Everything he thought he believed, everything he had been taught seemed like ashes in his mouth. He needed God and God wasn’t talking to him, wasn’t answering his prayers. All he heard any more was silence.

Still he did his job. He counseled, he held Mass, he listened to confessions, he even ran the clothes drive and tried to act interested.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care. He did. He loved his parishioners. They were good, hard-working people. They helped one another when there was trouble. They laughed loudly and loved each other passionately. The people weren’t the problem.

He was. He was the problem. He was tormented. He questioned the Church’s doctrines. They seemed outdated and archaic to him. He questioned his commitment to the Church. He questioned whether or not he had ever really been called to the priesthood. Maybe he had just been looking for a place to hide in. A place with enough structure that he didn’t have to think about anything. All decisions were made for him. But now, after years, he was thinking. And it hurt.

He hadn’t really been running towards the Church, he had just been running away. Away from his life, his childhood. Away from the pain and the shame. He ran to the Church, the Church had taken him in and now, now he just didn’t know anymore.

The clothes drive over, Cas walked back to the Rectory. He walked in and told Sister Naomi that he wasn’t hungry. He just went into his room. He poured himself a large glass of whiskey and sat in a chair. He drank. He brooded. It was just what he did these days.

 

 

***

 

It was pouring rain and cold. Confessions had been slow; just a trickle of people braved the weather to talk to him. He was about to leave when a man opened the other door and sat down. Cas slid the partition open and said, “Welcome, my son.”

A deep voice replied, “Hello Father. Um, forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been over a year since my last confession.”

Cas waited, but there was just silence between them. Finally, he spoke. “Go on, please.”

The man sighed deeply. “Father, I’m gay. I sleep with men. I know the Church thinks it is a sin. I’m not sure I do. Oh, I know I’m not supposed to have sex outside of marriage. I get that part. But as to sinning, just because I want to be with men instead of women…”

He trailed off.

Cas was torn. He knew what he should say. But this time, he just couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“I’m not all that sure it is a sin either.”

  
The man was visibly shocked. His head snapped up and he stared at Cas through the holes in the partition.

“Father, I can’t believe you said that.”

Cas smiled, thinking he couldn’t believe it either. “Church doctrine has changed so much over the years. It is lightening up on many subjects. I believe this is one area where the Church needs to take a look at itself and its teachings. I don’t want you to quit the Church because it is somewhat behind the times. Give it a chance to catch up.”

The man shook his head. “You’re not like any priest I’ve ever met.”

Cas smiled. “Thank you.”

Cas felt he might be able to help. He asked, “Do you have time today to talk? We could go back to the Rectory and have a cup of coffee.”

The man said, “Sure, Father, I’d like that.”

 

Cas left the confessional and the man emerged as well. He was about Cas’ age maybe a couple of years younger. He was two inches taller and very muscular. But what drew Cas to him was his startling green eyes. They were beautiful.

Quickly, Cas said, “I’m Father Castiel. But everyone just calls me Father Cas.”

The man smiled and extended his hand. “My name is Dean. Dean Winchester.”

Cas shook his hand. It was huge, powerful and calloused.

“Come with me, Dean, let’s get some coffee.”

 

They hurried through the rain to the Rectory. They shook themselves off and Dean took off his coat. They crossed the big living room and went into the kitchen. The kitchen was just about Cas’ favorite place in the Rectory. It was big and old fashioned. It was always warm, even on the coldest winter days. It smelled of spices and old, oiled wood.

There was a big oak table with chairs. Dean sat down in one. Sister Naomi stuck her head in and asked, “Can I help you, Father?’

Cas smiled and told her no, they were fine. He poured two big mugs of coffee and sat one in front of Dean. There was a container of sugar on the table.

“Do you take cream, Dean?”

Dean smiled. He had the most dazzling smile, it lit up his whole face. There were crinkles near his eyes. He obviously smiled a lot.

“Nope, thanks. I take mine black.”

Cas sat in the chair opposite Dean. They sipped the steaming coffee for a moment or two, neither of them speaking.

Cas asked, “So, what do you do for a living, Dean?”

“I’m a carpenter. I build houses.”

That explained the calloused hands.

“So, were you raised Catholic?”

Dean sighed. “Oh yeah. My mother died in a fire when I was four. That left just me, my baby brother and my dad. My dad, he was a staunch Catholic. Mass every Sunday. I was an altar boy. The whole nine yards.”

Cas felt the pain Dean was shedding off him like the dead petals of a flower.

“But when you discovered you were gay…”

Dean looked up and into Cas’ face. “Yeah, When I discovered I was gay. My dad freaked and threw me out. I went to the parish priest and he told me I was an abomination. Everywhere I turned, all I saw was hatred. I didn’t go near a church for years.”

Cas’ heart hurt. “I am so sorry that happened to you, Dean. It was wrong and cruel and archaic. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Dean looked at him with a strange look on his face.

Cas continued, “I’m very glad to see you at least tried church again. After all, you came to my confessional.’

Dean looked back down into his coffee mug. “Yeah well. I’ve just been feeling, well, sort of lost lately. Like there has to be something more, something I’m missing. I don’t know if it’s church or something else. I guess, I suppose I’m just lonely.”

Cas smiled at him. “I know what you mean, Dean.”

It was a strange thing to say.

The rest of the time, they just chatted. Dean told him about his job, the people he worked with. They laughed over a funny story Dean told. It was easy between them, relaxed.

When Dean left, Cas just went back to his room. He sat in the chair and just stared at the bookcase opposite him. He sat for hours, thinking and brooding. He wondered again why he had chosen this life. What drew him to it and now, what was tearing him away from it. He knew one thing. He was lonely too.

 

 

Dean came to late Mass on Sunday. Cas saw him sitting in the crowd. Dean was staring at him intently. Cas looked away. Dean did not take communion.

After Mass, Cas was standing outside the big front doors greeting parishioners as they left. Suddenly Dean was standing in front of him.

“Hello Dean, I’m very glad to see you came to Mass.”

Dean looked sheepish. “Uh yeah. Father, do you have any time to talk?”

Cas smiled and said, “I do. Just wait until everyone has gone and we will have coffee again.”

Dean waited.

 

After everyone had left, they walked to the rectory side by side. Dean walked straight to the kitchen and sat down. Cas poured them two mugs of coffee again and they sat.

Finally, Dean said, “Father, last time I was here, we never really talked about the whole gay thing.”

Cas sighed. “Well, Dean, we both know that the Church thinks it is a sin for two men to have sex. I was taught that forever. But now, I question that. There is very little in the bible about homosexuality. It doesn’t seem to be a big issue. I wonder sometimes if it just added by the Church in its infancy just for control.”

Dean looked startled. “Father, that would be called blasphemy by a lot of Catholics.”

“Oh, I know,” laughed Cas. “I am quite the blasphemer these days.”

 

They sat and sipped coffee. Then Cas said, “We all know what the big sins are. Murder, for instance. Everyone knows it is wrong and a sin. What concerns me these days are the little things. Like homosexuality. I have searched my soul and I just can’t see the harm in two people loving one another, no matter what gender they are. The Church teaches us love. It wants us to love one another. Why, then, would it be a sin to love?”

Dean stared at Cas. “I think the same thing. I can’t believe I am going to hell because I want to love another man.”

Cas added, “Now don’t get me wrong. I do think it is wrong to go from one sex partner to the next, only having anonymous sex for the physical gratification only. Not a sin, but still, wrong. There should be love there.”

Dean looked at the table. “Then I have done a lot of wrong. But I was always looking for love.”

 

 

Their Sunday afternoon chats became regular. Cas found himself looking forward to Sunday just to see Dean. He knew he shouldn’t, but he so enjoyed their talks that he rushed people away after Mass. They talked about everything and nothing. It was so easy, so relaxed with Dean. It was as if they had always known each other. It was nice.

Then one Sunday, Dean said, “Father, come out with me. I know a great place where we could have coffee and talk. Please, come out with me.”

Again, Cas knew it was wrong but the temptation was too great. He went to the Rectory and changed into street clothes. Dean walked them to his car. It was a beautiful old Impala.

“This is my baby. She’s a ’69 Chevy Impala. I’ve had her for years”

Cas loved the car.

Dean drove them to a cute little café that had a courtyard with tables and chairs. It was a lovely day. They got their coffee and sat outside.

Dean asked, “Um I have a question. Would it be okay if I dropped the ‘Father’ and just called you Cas?”

Cas smiled. “Yes, Dean. I think that would be fine.”

Dean beamed. “Okay then, Cas. Tell me, do you have a family?”

 

They sat and talked for over an hour. It was getting late and Cas said he needed to get back. His hand was laying on the table. Very slowly, Dean reached out and touched Cas’ fingers with just the tips of his. Cas wanted to pull his hand away. He tried. But no matter how much his mind told him to, his flesh was too weak. They sat there for a moment, Dean touching him. Finally, he pulled his hand away.

“Come on. I’ll drive you back.”

 

 

 


	2. I'll Worship Like A Dog At The Shrine Of Your Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friendship becomes more.

Cas threw himself onto his knees. He prayed, He prayed harder and longer than he ever had before.   
All he got in return was silence. Silence was all he ever got.

He lay in bed, unable to sleep. He kept seeing Dean’s eyes, those unbelievable green eyes. His cock hardened, stood up. It throbbed. It hurt. Finally, unable to control himself, Cas touched it. He grabbed it. When he came, he had Dean in his mind.

Cas was tormented. He questioned everything. He felt completely lost, completely abandoned by God. He didn’t know what to do.

 

And yet the next Sunday, he changed his clothes and got into Dean’s car. They went to the little café again, ordered coffee and sat outside. Cas wanted Dean to touch his hand again, but Dean didn’t. They talked about the weather and how Dean couldn’t work when it rained. They talked about the upcoming food drive. It was all so painful to Cas. He could hear his pulse pounding in his ears.

When they got back to Dean’s car, Dean pushed Cas up against the side of the car. Cas stood there and looked at Dean’s face. Dean looked so intense, it frightened Cas. Dean just reached out and put one hand on the side of Cas’ face. Cas closed his eyes and laid his face into Dean’s palm. They just stood there for what seemed forever to Cas but was actually just a moment in time.

The Dean pulled his hand back and just reached and opened the car door for Cas. Cas turned and got in. Dean drove them back to the rectory and neither of them said a word. When they got there, Cas got out and Dean drove away.

 

Cas torment grew. He prayed feverishly every night. He heard nothing; he felt nothing. In bed he burned. When he closed his eyes, all he saw was Dean’s face. He could feel Dean’s hand on him. His cock was hard every night, hurting and forcing him to touch it.

 

The next Sunday, Dean didn’t come to Mass. Cas felt both incredibly sad and relieved. When he walked back to the rectory after Mass he felt so heavy. His feet were like lead. He knew he could cry if he allowed himself to. He just went to his study and worked on his next sermon.

 

Cas’ week was painfully long. He alternated between worrying that Dean was gone forever and actually hoping he was gone forever. But the pain in his chest got worse. His soul hurt.

 

But the next Sunday, Dean was back. Cas could feel Dean’s eyes on him through the entire Mass. They burned through him. Dean held back until all the others had greeted Cas, told him what a nice sermon it was and left. Then Cas looked at Dean standing in front of him.

“Come with me, Cas.”

Cas changed and met Dean at his car. His heart was pounding and he felt afraid. Afraid but excited, too. He got into the car and Dean drove.

He didn’t drive to the café. He drove until they arrived at an apartment building. Dean got out and went round to pull Cas’ door open. Cas got out slowly.

“Come on.” Dean walked away. Cas stood for a moment, then followed. They went inside and up a flight of stairs. Dean walked down a hallway and stopped in front of a door. He produced a key, opened the door and stood aside, waiting for Cas to go in.

Once inside, Cas just stood in the middle of the room. Dean said, “You can sit down.”

Cas just stood there. Dean walked up to him.

“Relax, Cas. I’m not going to yank your pants down and jump you, I promise.”

Cas blushed. He hated that he blushed but it was completely involuntary.

Dean smiled. “You are very cute when you blush. Look, I just wanted you to see where I live. I can make coffee here and we can just talk.”

Cas tried to relax. He sat down in one of the chairs. While Dean made coffee in the kitchen, Cas looked around. It was a very nice room. There was a couch and matching chairs. A huge bookcase covered one wall, filled with books. A stereo sat on a bench, with a lot of albums. Dean actually had a turntable for them.

Dean came back with coffee. He put one cup next to Cas on an end table. Cas picked it up and took a sip then put it back down.

“Look, Cas. We have a problem. I know it. And I know that you know it. The question is what are we going to do about it.”

Cas looked away. His face burned. His body burned.

“Dean, I took vows. I can’t just break them because, well, because I am attracted to you.”

“You’re more than just attracted to me, Cas. I know it. I know how I feel when I’m with you and I know you feel it too. It’s written all over your face. Hell, I can’t sleep because all I see is your face when I close my eyes. I want you so bad, I think sometimes I’ll die of needing you.”

Cas looked at the floor. His voice was tormented. “Dean, I can’t. I just… can’t. I care about you. Deeply. But to abandon my vows? I’m not ready. I have fears. I’m … confused. I’m tormented. I think about you all the time. But how I feel, it’s wrong for a priest to feel this way. I just can’t.”

Dean looked at him and his face was filled with pain.

“Cas, please…”

Cas jumped up and left the apartment. He ran down the stairs and out into the street. He had no idea where he was so he just started walking. After a few minutes, Dean pulled up next to him in the impala.

“Get in Cas. I’ll take you back.”

 

Cas became tortured. He tossed and turned at night, unable to sleep, seeing only Dean’s face. His cock tormented him, constantly in need and never leaving him in peace until he grabbed it and made himself cum. He was ashamed.

He prayed and still heard nothing. His faith was gone. It was replaced by need. Burning need for Dean. Only Dean could end this, but at what cost? His soul? His calling? He wasn’t even sure he had been called anymore. Maybe he was just hiding. Hiding from the fact that he was gay.

There was no sign of Dean at Mass. Two weeks went by. Cas couldn’t think, he couldn’t say Mass. He said he was sick and Father Singer took over for him. He couldn’t eat. He felt like he was dying.

There was a knock on his door. When he answered it, Sister Hannah told him he had a visitor. Reluctantly he went to the living room. There stood Dean.

It took his breath away. It was all he could do not to run to Dean, to embrace him.

Dean looked about as bad as he did. They just looked at one another. Then Dean said, “Take a ride with me?”

 

Cas sat in Dean’s car, watching the buildings pass by. He knew he was about to sin. He knew it was wrong. It was an abomination. He was a priest. He had taken vows. One of them was celibacy. It had never troubled him before, but now, it felt like a joke to him. How was a man expected to deny his most basic instinct? He was going to sin. Sin with Dean.

They walked into Dean’s apartment. Dean closed the door behind them. He turned around and faced Cas. Cas reached out his hand and touched Dean’s face.

Dean grabbed him and pulled him in until their bodies pressed together. He put his hands on either side of Cas’ face and kissed him. Their lips just touched, softly. Cas opened his mouth slightly and Dean pressed his tongue into Cas’ mouth. It sought out his tongue and when they touched, Cas felt shivers down his spine.

Cas pressed himself closer to Dean. He kissed back and the kiss got messy, passionate and needy. Dean held his face tightly. Cas could hardly breathe.

Dean stepped back and began to unbutton Cas’ shirt.

 

 

 


	3. I'll Tell You My Sins And You Can Sharpen Your Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sin and love

Cas let Dean undress him. When he got to Cas’ pants, he unbuttoned the button at the top of his jeans. Then he touched the zipper. He paused and looked up at Cas.

“Are you sure?”

Cas just nodded.

Dean unzipped the zipper. He pulled Cas’ jeans down. Cas toed out of his shoes and stepped out of the jeans. Dean was looking at his boxers. His erection tented them.

Dean dropped to his knees and reached in to the slit in the boxers. He touched Cas’ cock and Cas gasped. Dean’s breath was short and labored. He pulled Cas’ cock out and touched it almost reverently.

Cas said in a tiny voice, “No one has ever touched me.”

Dean said, “But me.”

Cas knees were shaking. Dean stood up and grabbed him by the wrist. He pulled him to the bedroom. He pushed Cas until he was against the bed.

“Lay down.” Cas did.

 

Cas watched Dean take his clothes off. He did it slowly, never hurrying. Cas ached when he saw Dean’s body. It was muscled but not overly so. His arms were huge, they made Cas feel tiny. He watched Dean’s jeans come down and then stared at the knit boxers that clearly outlined Dean’s cock. It was big, thick, and Cas wanted to see it more than he had ever wanted anything before.

Dean pulled them off. His cock sprang out of them and bumped his belly. It was so beautiful it brought tears to Cas’ eyes. Dean reached and pulled Cas’ boxers off. Cas raised his hips to help. They were both naked and Cas switched off his brain.

 

Dean crawled onto the bed, and over Cas. Cas watched him, mesmerized by Dean’s beauty. Dean crawled up until he was kissing Cas again. Cas grabbed his head and pulled him even closer, their tongues entwined.

Then Dean broke away. He moved down and sucked in a nipple. Cas gasped and lifted his chest to Dean’s mouth. Dean sucked on his nipple hard and bit it. He moved to the other one and did it again. Cas needed this. He never knew how badly he needed this, but now he did.

Dean moved lower. He licked Cas’ belly and trailed his tongue along the light dusting of hair that led a trail down to Cas’ cock. Cas grabbed hands full of the bed covers. He tried to stay still but his body would not cooperate.

When Dean put his mouth on Cas’ cock he cried out. He jerked and sucked in his breath. Dean whispered, “Shhh. I got you Cas. It’s fine.” And then he ran his mouth down the length of Cas’ cock. It was so warm and wet, and his tongue swirled around, Cas felt like he was losing his mind. His whole being was just centered on his cock and Dean’s mouth.

Dean moved his mouth up and down. He ran his tongue along the slit and Cas moaned. Dean touched his balls. He lifted them in his hand and played with them. Moving his mouth up and down the whole time, Dean was so tender. Cas’ brain said that Dean was worshipping his cock. It almost made him laugh.

But then he felt his orgasm rising. This he recognized. This he had felt before. But he had been just playing before. This was an orgasm unlike any he had ever given himself before. It rose up in him, filled him and then burst out through the end of his cock. He flooded Dean’s mouth with his cum. Dean took it all and swallowed. He looked up at Cas and smiled.

Dean moved up again and kissed Cas. Cas could taste himself in Dean’s mouth. It was strange and arousing. Cas broke the kiss and said, “Dean. I need to do something for you.”

Dean said, “No, Cas. You don’t. I’m fine.”

But that wasn’t right. Cas knew it wasn’t right. “No, Dean, I have to. I’m not sure what to do, but I need to do something for you. _To_ you.”

 

Cas moved down until his face was at the level of Dean’s cock. Cas looked at it. It was so big and so beautiful. Cas moved his mouth over it and closed his eyes. He put his mouth on the head. Dean huffed in and moved just a little. Cas tasted the pre cum leaking from the head, and it tasted wonderful. Cas wanted more. He sucked and more came into his mouth. He ran his tongue into the slit and heard Dean moan. It made his feel almost giddy that he could get Dean to make a sound like that.

Cas moved his mouth down, keeping his lips tightly wrapped around the thick shaft. He couldn’t take it all in his mouth, it was too long. So he just went down as far as he could and then back up. He established a rhythm and found he really enjoyed this. He loved the sounds that Dean was making and he loved the feeling of having his cock in his mouth. It just felt right. He wanted to make Dean cum.

He worked up and down, and then he just knew Dean was close. Dean whispered, “Cas, I’m close. You don’t have to…”

This time Cas said, “Shh, I got this.”

Dean came hard. He thrust into Cas’ mouth and hot cum squirted into Cas’ mouth. It was salty and a little bitter but Cas wanted it. He wanted to take Dean into him in this way It felt like communion. He swallowed.

 

Dean pulled him up. “Cas, that was amazing.”

Cas just smiled.

They lay in each other’s arms. Cas had his head in the sweet spot where Dean’s neck became his shoulder. Dean had his arms around Cas and Cas felt at peace for the first time in months.

Dean asked him, “Cas stay with me. Don’t go back. Please stay with me.”

Cas thought about what Dean was saying to him, but was forced to say, “I can’t Dean. How can I? I took vows. I’ve broken one already, a big one. But I took others.”

Dean turned and looked into Cas’ eyes. “Cas, please. I need you. I need you more than I have ever needed anything or anyone before. I don’t think I can make it without you. Please stay with me.”

Cas’ head hurt. He felt terribly confused and conflicted.

Dean sat up. He was close to tears. “What has the Church ever really done for you, Cas? You were lost when we met. I could see the pain in your eyes. I could see you were floundering. I need you. I can make you happy, I know I can. You just kept coming back to me. Because we belong together. Damn it Cas. God gave you to me. He doesn’t want you to leave me now. Listen to Him. He gave you to me.”

 

 

 


	4. Good God Let Me Give You My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas hears a message telling him what to do

Cas listened. Dean just sat, looking at him. He listened. He tried to still his mind. He reached out. It was not lost on him that he was sitting naked on a bed with Dean, also naked. All he heard was nothing. He sighed.

“Dean I have to go back. I have some things I need to figure out.”

Dean turned his face away from Cas. Cas grabbed his face and turned it back.

“I really believe that God gave you to me. I am not turning my back on you, on us. I need you to promise me that you will come and pick me up this Sunday. Swear to me Dean.”

Dean nodded. He looked destroyed but he said, “I swear.”

 

They dressed and Dean took him back. When Cas got out of the car, he saw tears in Dean’ eyes and the sight nearly destroyed him. He said, “Remember. You swore to come and get me on Sunday.”

Dean looked at him and answered, “I will. I promise.”

 

Cas was on his knees in his room. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. But I can’t hear you anymore. I don’t know where you are. I ask and I ask but you don’t answer. Now I’ve met this man. I care about him; I may even love him. We make each other happy. I want to be with him. But I need to know that if I turn my back on my vows, I won’t be forever damned. I need to know that I won’t be damning Dean. Please, give me a sign.”

He listened to the silence.

 

He came out of his room. He ate, He worked. He made it through the week.

 

Sunday he was saying goodbye to the parishioners and he saw Dean. He was standing by his car, looking at Cas. Cas’ heart did a leap. He smiled.

When the last of the people had gone, Cas walked to where Dean waited.

“Let me change my clothes. I’ll right back.”

He ran and changed in record time. He ran back to Dean. He got into the car and they drove away.

Dean said, “I almost lost my mind this week, Cas. I was afraid you’d abandon me.”

“Dean, I will never abandon you. You have my word.”

 

In Dean’s apartment. Naked on the bed. Kissing. Hard.

Cas broke away and said, “Dean I want you to make love to me.”

Dean looked worried. “Cas, you don’t have to. Not to please me.”

Cas smiled and simply said, “I don’t want to die a virgin. I want you, inside of me.”

Dean said, “Hold on.”

 

He stood up and walked to the chest of drawers. He opened the top drawer and got a bottle out. Coming back to bed, he showed Cas it was lube.

Then he said, “Look. You’re obviously clean. I was tested after my last boyfriend. I’m clean and I haven’t been with anyone since. So we don’t need condoms.”

 

 

He pushed Cas down on his back. He licked Cas’ cock on his way down, making Cas gasp. He got between Cas’ legs. He grabbed them and pulled them apart and pushed them up. Cas lifted them to show Dean his ass. Dean poured lube in his hand. He used some of it on his fingers. The rest he used on his cock. He slowly pushed one finger into Cas.

Cas eyes got big and he gasped. Dean just left it there for a moment, then moved it around inside of Cas. Cas shut his eyes tightly and pushed against Dean’ finger. Dean began to move it in and out. Then he added a finger. Cas felt so full all ready, but he knew that if he was going to be able to take Dean in him he needed to be a lot more open.

Dean continued to finger fuck Cas. Soon there were three fingers in him. Cas was moaning and actually panting. Dean was whispering, “I got you babe. Just hold on. Try to relax.”

Cas finally felt like he couldn’t take it anymore, “Dean please. I can’t stand it. Please, I need you in me.”

 

 

Dean was concerned that Cas wasn’t open enough but he was anxious too. He moved up over Cas and put his legs on his shoulders. He used one hand to grab his cock and he pressed it against Cas’ very tight hole. Cas pushed, trying to get Dean in him. Dean pushed harder and the head of his cock slipped in past Cas’ tight muscle ring. He paused to allow Cas to relax more.

 

Cas was surprised by the pain. But he struggled to relax and the pain passed and just turned into a burn. He decided he liked the burn.

 

Dean pushed in more. The feeling of Cas so tightly grabbing onto his cock, the feeling of being in his channel was indescribable to Dean. He had waited so long, wanted this so badly and now he had it. Cas was under him. Cas was moaning for him. He wanted to go fast and hard in him but he never would. He was painfully aware that Cas was a virgin and he wanted to give Cas the best experience possible. He wanted to make Cas want him again and again.

 

Cas was amazed. He never thought it could be this good. He felt every inch of Dean sliding up into him. He wanted more, he wanted it all. He pushed against Dean, making his cock go into him more.

“Want it all, Dean. Please, I want all of you in me.”

Dean bottomed out. His balls lay on Cas’ butt. Cas whispered, “Oh Dean. It’s so good. Will you move now?”

Dean smiled and pulled back. He pulled until just the head of his cock was in Cas, and then he pushed back in. Cas made a sound somewhere between a moan and a whimper. He pushed every time Dean thrust in. Dean’s balls slapped against Cas with every push in. Dean felt like he wanted to stay in Cas forever.

“Cas. It’s so good. So good… fuck, Cas. So good.”

They established a rhythm. When Dean felt his balls tighten he tried to will it away. But in the end, the orgasm won. Feeling fire in his belly, he shot his hot cum into Cas. Cas pushed one last time and said, “Oh my god. Oh Dean, oh my god.”

Cas came on his belly. Neither one of them had touched his cock.

 

Dean softened and his cock slid out of Cas. Dean looked and watched his cum drip out of Cas. He wanted to bury his mouth on Cas’ hole and suck it all out but he felt that would be too much for Cas this time.

He moved up and kissed Cas. Cas kissed him back desperately.

Dean asked again, “Cas please, please stay here with me. I’m begging you not to go back. Cas I love you. I love you so much.”

Cas whispered, “I love you too, Dean.”

Dean looked so intense. “You see, Cas. You love me too. We belong together.”

Cas sighed, “But Dean. I can do good work as a priest. I know I am sinning with you. I just don’t know what to do.”

Dean said, “Exactly Cas. We are sinning. But if you aren’t a priest any more, then no more sinning. You can still do good. Volunteer. Start a charity, I don’t know. But if you care for my soul, you’ll stay with me. Not just because of the sinning but because my soul needs you here with me.”

 

Cas sat still and listened. From another room, near enough to be next door, he heard a song. He listened to it. A woman sang, “ _At last, my love has come along. My lonely nights are over, and life is like a song_.” Cas gasped. He looked at Dean.

“Okay, Dean, I’ll stay with you.”

 

Dean looked at Cas, trying to believe what he had just heard. He grabbed Cas in a huge hug and said, “I love you. I love you so much.”

Cas said, “I have money saved. I can support myself…”

Dean cut him off by grabbing his face in his hands. “Oh my sweet, sweet man. We so don’t need to worry about money now.”

He got in a drawer and pulled out a pair of sweats and a well-worn T shirt. “Here, put these on. Do you like pizza?”

Cas laughed and said, “Yeah, I like pizza.” He pulled on the sweats. They were just barely held up by his hip bones. The t shirt hung down to his hips.

Dean whistled. “Looking hot there, baby.”

He pulled on sweats and a shirt of his own. He went and called to order pizza.

When they were done eating, Cas called the Rectory and said that he needed to take a sabbatical. Dean called his boss and said he needed the week off.

“We need to get you settled in.”

 

They sat on the bed and drank a beer. Den asked, “Let me ask you. I saw you sitting there quietly and then you said you’d stay. What made up your mind?

Cas smiled. “It was the song.”

Dean looked confused. “Song? What song?”

Cas said, “The one that we heard through the wall. About finding love.”

“I never heard a song.”

Cas smiled even bigger. “Of course you didn’t.”

 

They discussed things like the need for Cas to get his stuff. Dean said he would take Cas there tomorrow.

After a bit, Dean said, “You know I am going to have to have you again tonight, right?’

Cas blushed.

“Damn Cas, you are so adorable when you blush.”

 

 

 


	5. You Were Born Sick, You Heard Them Say It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean instructs Cas in sexual pleasure. Cas goes back to collect his things and it is painful.

Dean began to kiss Cas again. Their tongues investigated each other’s mouths. Dean drug his teeth over Cas’ bottom lip and sucked his lip into his mouth. He sucked and kissed his way down Cas’ throat. Again he attacked Cas’ nipples, knowing how sensitive they were. They were both rock hard.

Dean went between Cas’ legs. He opened them and pushed them up. He kissed and nipped Cas’ inner thighs, and licked the crease where his thighs met his ass. Then he licked Cas’ asshole. Cas gasped and came up off the bed a little.

Dean held his thighs and said, “Easy baby.”

Dean ran his tongue around Cas tight puckered pink hole. He pushed the tip of his tongue into it. Cas was moaning and whispering, “Oh god. Dean. Oh please…”

Dean sat back and got lube. He poured some onto Cas’ hole. He used a finger in him, but quickly went to two. He fucked them in and out of Cas continued to make sweet sounds. He went to three fingers, but said, “Want to see if you can take four, baby.” He pushed a fourth finger into Cas. Cas gasped and then pushed against Dean’s hand. Dean grinned. “Good boy.”

He was too damn needy to wait any longer. He pulled his fingers out of Cas and listened to Cas make a sad sound. He positioned himself over Cas and pushed his cock into him. It went easier this time, because of the four fingers and also because they had sex just a few hours before.

He just kept pushing in until he was as far up Cas as he could get. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips. Dean went faster this time, and shoved in a bit harder. When he pulled back he just left the head of his cock in Cas. He really wanted to pull all the way out and force Cas to open up for him each time but he was afraid to hurt Cas. Sometime soon, though.

Cas was tighter than anyone he had ever fucked before. His hole wrapped around his cock and it was so good. Cas’ channel was tight too. It was hot and tight and wonderful in there. Again, Dean wished he could live in Cas.

“Touch yourself Cas. I want to see you touch yourself and make yourself cum.”

Cas blushed, He actually blushed. But he touched his cock, wrapping his fingers around it. He began to run his hand up and down, after a bit he got a little more aggressive. Dean made a mental note to show Cas how to masturbate.

Then Dean felt his orgasm beginning. He went faster in and out of Cas. Cas tightened even more around his cock and that was the tipping point. He filled Cas again. Cas made just a few more thrusts into his hand and he came too.

This time he didn’t hesitate. He shoved his face into Cas’ ass crack and sucked on his hole. Cas’ eyes got big as saucers.

“Dean what are you doing?”

Dean sucked and licked his cum out of Cas. He lifted his face and it was covered with cum.

“Eating you out, baby. Want to taste?”

Cas pulled Dean up and then kissed. Dean put some of his cum on Cas’ tongue. They both swallowed. Cas had a smile on his face.

 

Cas lay in Dean’s arms. “So” Dean said, “tomorrow I am going to give you some lessons on how to masturbate.”

Cas looked surprised. “What’s wrong with the way I masturbate?”

Dean smiled. “Oh baby, it could be so much better.”

 

Cas drifted off to sleep in Dean’s arms. He slept a dreamless sleep for the first time in months.

 

Cas woke up early. He had to piss so he went into the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror and wondered if he had done the right thing. He loved Dean and he was happy for the first time in forever. He felt he deserved to be happy. But still… He had broken his vows. He had defied the Church in several ways. He knew that the priests who were in charge of him and his parish would condemn him. And they would condemn Dean. They were both in danger of being excommunicated. It was frightening.

Dean stuck his head in. “Hey beautiful, You’re up early.”

Cas smiled at him “It’s a habit.”

 

They had some breakfast. When they were done, Dean drug Cas back to bed.

“Masturbation lesson.”

Cas blushed furiously. “Dean, there is nothing wrong…”

Dean cut him off. “Hush. Lay down.”

Dean got lube. “Slippery is better.”

He poured some into both of their hands. “Put it on your cock.” Cas did.

“Now grab that thing like you own it.”

Dean had his cock hard in just moments. Cas’ was still a little soft. Dean reached over and grabbed it. Cas gasped at the way Dean’s hand tightened on it. But it felt good and soon, Cas was hard, too. Then Dean grasped his cock in his fist. He squeezed it and ran his hand up and down while occasionally running his thumb across the head. Cas tried to follow suit.

Soon Dean was moaning and then he shot cum into his hand and onto his belly. He looked at Cas. Cas had a dreamy expression on his face. He was using his hand on himself harder and faster than he had yesterday. He even touched the head of his cock from time to time. Dean smiled at him. Then he started to make little noises and he came, too.

“Good job! You are well on your way to becoming a master masturbator.”

Cas laughed.

 

After they were dressed, Dean drove Cas to the Rectory to pick up his things. Dean waited outside even though he wanted to come in. Cas thought it was better he stayed outside.

Cas went in and went straight to his room. He was packing when his superior stood in the doorway.

“Hello Father Castiel.”

“Hello Father Crowley. I was just packing.”

“So I can see. You know, Father, many people have seen you keeping company with a young man of late. I certainly hope he is not the reason for your taking this sabbatical.”

Cas didn’t reply.

Father Crowley continued. “Because as you know, homosexuality is against the teachings and beliefs of the Church. And Castiel, I think you have sinned. I think you have broken your vows of celibacy. Your soul is in mortal jeopardy.”

Cas just looked at the floor.

“You are in danger of being excommunicated, Castiel. This is very serious. Are you going to say anything?”

Cas was near tears. “No Father, I have nothing to say.” He pushed past Crowley and ran out of the Rectory.

 

Dean could see Cas was crying. He cursed himself for allowing Cas to make him stay outside. He was afraid something would happen. He gathered Cas up in his arms.

“What happened baby?”

Cas just shook his head. “Please, let’s just leave.”

Dean looked up and saw an older priest watching them from a window.

 

Dean drove a couple of streets away and stopped. Cas buried his head in Dean’s shoulder and just sobbed. Dean’s heart was breaking but he was also blindly angry. He held Cas close and whispered, “It’s okay Cas. It’s gonna be okay. I swear, it will be all right.”

When Cas could speak, he said, “They know all about us. They have been watching me for weeks. Father Crowley said that I am putting your immortal soul in jeopardy. He says we will be excommunicated.”

Dean grabbed Cas’ face in his hands. “Listen to me Cas. First of all, fuck my immortal soul. I am putting it in jeopardy, if it even is, not you. Now, I know you’re afraid of being excommunicated. I get that. But stop. Think. My God is all about love, Cas. He wants us all to share love. He wants us to be happy. And if we are created in His image, then he created us both gay. I thought God didn’t make mistakes. Am I a mistake Cas? Am I?”

Cas shook his head, “No, Dean. You’re not a mistake.”

“And neither are you, baby, What’s a mistake is the Church.”

Cas sighed. “I love you.”

Dean smiled a sad smile. “Oh I love you too baby. I love you too.”

 

They went grocery shopping. Cas was unhappy with Dean’s lack of food.

“I can cook, Dean. We need nourishment that doesn’t come in a cardboard container.”

Dean let him get whatever he wanted. When it came time to pay, Cas insisted.

“I have quite a bit of money saved up. I had few needs.”

 

They put the groceries away. Dean came up behind Cas at a counter and put his arms around his waist. He nuzzled Cas’ ear. Cas giggled. He turned around and they kissed.

“I’m sorry I freaked out, Dean. This is just very new and scary for me.”

“I understand baby. We’ll get through this together.”

 

They spent the afternoon putting Cas stuff away. Then Cas cooked dinner. It was delicious and Dean was stoked.

“Beauty, sexy and he can cook. Man am I a lucky man.”

 

After dinner, Dean whispered in Cas’ ear, “Baby. I have been good all day. I really need to fuck you now.”

Cas blushed. “Damn, I have got to get you used to the word ‘fuck. Not that I mind that blush though”

 

 

 


	6. The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean learn more about each other

Dean began to take Cas’ clothes off. He pulled his shirt over his head. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper. Cas pulled his feet out of his shoes. Dean put his fingers inside the waistband of both Cas’ jeans and his boxers. He pulled them both down. He looked down at Cas.

“Cas, do you know how beautiful you are? You are amazing. You have a gorgeous cock. And these balls…”

He reached and lifted them in one hand. Cas sucked in his breath. Dean reached a finger behind them and touched the place behind them and in front of his asshole.

“Oh, Dean…”

“Yeah baby. Yeah.”

Dean led Cas to the bed and Cas lay down. Cas watched Dean strip.

“I think you are the beautiful one, Dean. Your cock is incredible. It’s so big and thick. I still can’t believe I can get it in me.”

Dean smiled. “You would be amazed at what would fit up there, baby, with a little effort.”

 

Dean told Cas to lay on his stomach. Dean got between Cas’ legs and used his hands to pull Cas’ ass cheeks far apart. Then he swirled his tongue around Cas puckered hole. Cas wiggled his ass and moaned delightfully. Dean shoved his tongue into Cas and pushed it in and out. He licked down to under Cas’ balls and sucked on each of them as they lay on the bed.

Cas was whispering, “Dean. Oh please, Dean, it feels so good…”

Dean dripped spit onto Cas’ hole and shoved two fingers in him. Cas clenched around them. “No, no, Baby. You need to relax.”

Cas tried his best. When Dean got up to four fingers, Cas was as relaxed as he was going to get. Dean reached for the lube. He poured some on Cas and rubbed some on his cock.

Dean lay down on Cas. He reached for his cock and guided it into Cas. Cas gasped and pushed back as best as he could. He loved the feeling of being trapped by Dean’s body. He couldn’t move and Dean was fucking in and out of him. Dean raised his upper body up on his arms and moved in and out of Cas hard. He pulled completely out of Cas with every pull back and then forced Cas to open and let him back in with every thrust.

“Yeah baby. Open for me, let me in. Open that tight little hole and let me in.”

Cas whimpered but still pushed against Dean.

“Oh fuck me, Dean, fuck me so hard… I need it…”

Cas rubbed his cock on the bed and soon, he came. He clenched his hole so tightly that Dean thrust in and came in him.

“Oh Fuck, Cas… so good…”

He collapsed onto Cas’ back. They lay there, spent.

Dean rolled off Cas. Cas turned towards him.

“My god, Dean that was incredible.”

Dean just smiled and kissed him.

 

They lay in each other’s arms. Cas asked quietly, “Dean, how many men have you been with?”

Dean sighed. “A lot Cas. Too many.”

Cas persisted. “One night stands?”

Dean turned and looked at him.

“Yeah a lot of them. I had two long term relationships before I met you.”

“Will you tell me about them?”

Dean sat back against the headboard. “Okay Cas. My first boyfriend was right out of high school. He was older. A lot older, actually. I wasn’t a virgin but I was very inexperienced. He really swept me off my feet. He had money, a nice car… he bought me things and took me out to eat nice places. I thought I’d hit the jackpot. But after about six months, he got rough. Really rough. One night he tied me to the bed, raped me and left me there for another day. As soon as he let me go, I split. He stalked me for a while but then, he found another boy toy and left me alone.”

Cas was horrified. “Dean that’s terrible. I am so sorry that happened to you. I’m surprised you are handling it so well.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t handle it well for a long time. I was angry and I never let myself get close to anyone.”

Cas was sad. It hurt him to think of someone hurting Dean. Raping him.

Dean went on, “Then three years ago I met Bobby. He was a year younger than me and very sweet. We really clicked sexually and ended up moving in together. I really cared for him. Now, I know it wasn’t love but then, I thought it was. Everything was great until I came home early from work on a rainy day and caught him balls deep in another guy. Found out they had been having an affair for a few months. So you see, I don’t have a very good track record.”

Cas embraced Dean. “Sweetheart, I don’t care about your track record. None of that matters now. We’re together and I will never even look at another man, I swear.”

“I know, Cas. I know I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. And I know you feel the same for me. We love each other. Real love. That’s why we belong together. Okay, so tell me, how did you end up becoming a priest?”

“It’s not a very interesting story, Dean. I was raised by my mother. She was very religious. Very. I came out as gay in high school and she was horrified. She tried to pray the gay out of me and when that didn’t work she took me to the priest who told me horror stories about going to hell and how I was an abomination to the Lord. I went into the priesthood right out of high school. To make my mother happy and to not go to hell.”

“Shit, Cas. That’s horrible. Is your mother still alive?”

“Yeah, she is. We aren’t in contact, but she is sure to hear about this. If this doesn’t kill her, then nothing will.”

Dean chuckled.

 

Cas had questions. “I came to you a virgin. I don’t know a damn thing about men, sex with men, nothing. The only things I know is from what we’ve done together. I want to know more.”

Dean smiled and said, “Okay, baby, ask me anything.”

“Well, having anal sex all the time. Won’t it make me get, well, loose eventually?”

Dean smiled. “Well, it could. Except there are exercises you can do, and a homeopathic remedy that’ll tighten it up. I intend to keep you tight, baby, don’t worry.”

Cas was so serious it was hard for Dean not to laugh.

“Next question. How many times a day can we have sex?”

“Wow, Cas. You are a horny little slut aren’t you? Baby, we can have sex as many times as we can get it up. My personal best is six times.”

Cas looked shocked. “Six times in a day? Wow.”

“Can’t do that every day, but yeah.”

Cas looked thoughtful. “Are there many more positions we haven’t tried yet?”

Dean told him, “Well, quite a few, yeah.”

Cas said, “Okay, Dean last question. Do I make you cum hard? Is it really good for you?

Dean grabbed Cas’ arms and held him tight. “Cas, I cum so hard with you I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. You are the best I’ve ever had. I think about fucking you all the time. It is absolutely incredible with you. Never doubt that for a second.”

Cas beamed at him.

 

 


	7. Every Sunday's Getting More Bleak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of sex.

They slept spooning. Dean held Cas to him tightly. Sometimes Cas would wake in the night and Dean was hard. His cock was pushed in Cas’ ass crack. Cas considered moving, waking Dean up or even grabbing his cock and putting it in his ass. He wondered if this was okay or not.

Finally, a few days later, Cas was awake. Dean’s erect cock was pressing against him. He just couldn’t help himself. He reached back, grabbed Dean’s cock and pushed it against his hole. Dean moaned and thrust in his sleep and the head of his cock went into Cas. It really hurt, but Cas didn’t care. He pushed back and Dean’s cock slid in him more.

Before he knew what was happening, Dean had his arm around Cas and yanked him back. As he yanked he thrust into Cas. He went in all the way. Cas gasped in pain but still, he wanted it.

Dean whispered, “You really _are_ a horny little slut, aren’t you?”

Cas nodded his head. Dean began to fuck Cas. Cas pushed back, trying to get every inch of Dean inside him. Dean was thrusting hard and fast. The pain stopped and just the burn was left.

Then Dean grabbed him and turned him on his hands and knees. Dean was fucking him harder than he ever had before. The position made every thrust go into Cas as far as was possible. Dean’s balls were hitting his ass every thrust.

Cas was mumbling, “Oh yeah, fuck me hard, Dean. It’s… so good… oh my god. So good.”

Dean whispered in his ear, “Take all of me, baby. Feel me in you. You’re so tight on my cock it makes me nuts. I want to fuck you so hard. Take it Cas.”

And he shoved in and out of Cas so hard and so fast that it really did hurt. But Cas just held on. He wanted Dean to have him any way he wanted to. Cas grabbed his own cock and jacked himself off while Dean used his hole.

Cas came hard, harder than he ever had before. He jerked and his hole tightened and released. That was it for Dean. He shoved his cock into Cas and just held it there. In a moment he shot hot cum inside of Cas. Cas could feel it inside of him.

Dean pulled out and fell on the bed, panting. He was covered in a sheen of sweat.

When he had caught his breath he asked Cas, “Shit, baby. Did I hurt you? Please tell me you’re all right.”

Cas turned to Dean and smiled. “I’m fine, Dean. Better than fine. I came so hard. And anyway, I started this.”

Dean looked at him in amazement. “Yeah, you sure did start this. I couldn’t believe it when I woke up and you were shoving my cock into you. No one has ever done that to me before.”

Cas looked embarrassed. “I just wanted it, Dean.”

“Baby,” Dean told him, “You can have it whenever and wherever you want it. Always. But maybe next time, use a little lube?”

 

The next day, Dean had a lesson designed to keep Cas tight. Dean put a finger into Cas. “Now, baby, tighten up on my finger, as tight as you can.”

Cas did.

“Okay release. Now tighten again. You see?”

Cas said, “Yeah, Dean I get it. Two questions. First, do I always do this on your finger?”

Dean grinned, “Oh yeah, my finger is essential.”

“Okay, and second, is this supposed to make me want you to fuck me? Because it does. A lot.”

Dean laughed and laughed. “A fortunate side effect. Now tighten and release.”

When Dean told him that was enough, he put witch hazel on his hole.

“We use this several times a week. Works wonders.”

 

Later that Day, Cas told Dean he was horny. Dean told him to strip and he did. Dean took off his clothes and put Cas on the couch on his hands and knees.

“Now, “Dean said, “What do you want, baby?”

Cas said in a tiny voice, “I want you to fuck me, Dean. Please.”

“And where do you want to be fucked?”

“Oh god, Dean, in my ass. I want you to fuck me in my asshole.”

Dean told him, “Show me. Show me where you want me.”

Cas reached back between his legs and touched his hole. “Here. Dean I want you here.”

“Stick your finger in, Cas. Put your finger in yourself. Show me where you want my cock and you need to open yourself up a little for me.”

Cas pushed a finger inside of himself. He was in up to his first knuckle. He moved his finger in and out of himself. He moaned and pleaded with Dean. “Please, Dean, please, Stick your cock in here. Please…”

 

Dean had lube and he put some on his cock. He pulled Cas’ finger out of his hole and shoved his cock in. Cas gasped and pushed against him. Dean grabbed him by his hips and held him while he fucked in and out of him. He watched his cock disappear inside Cas.

He reached around Cas and grabbed his cock. He fisted it and Cas thrust in and out of his hand. Cas timed his thrusts in tune with Dean fucking him. He would pull back when Dean thrust into him and thrust when Dean pulled back. He came hard, shooting cum in Dean’s hand and onto the floor.

Dean didn’t last much longer. He felt his cum fill up Cas’ channel. He stayed inside Cas until his cock slipped out.

They both sat back on the couch. Dean looked at Cas and asked, “Still horny?”

Cas smiled and said, “I think I’m okay for a while now.”

 

 

It was Sunday morning. Cas sat looking out the window. Dean knew what the matter was. Cas was thinking about church. It made him sad. Also, Dean had to go back to work the next day. Their week was at an end.

Dean walked up behind Cas and put his arms around him.

“Come on Cas. Please come away from the window. We need to talk about when I go back to work.”

Cas let himself be led to the couch.

Dean said, “I leave at six in the morning. I don’t expect you to get up with me, it’s too early. I will be home between three and four. I’m going to call you when I can. You’ve got to promise you’re going to be okay. I don’t want you sitting around here brooding about church. I don’t want you going there. You have to promise me.”

Cas said, “I promise, Dean. I swear.”

Dean kissed him.

 

 


	8. In The Madness And Soil Of That Sad Earthly Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas runs into a person he knows from when he was a priest, on the street while looking for a place to volunteer.

Dean’s alarm went off at five. Cas woke right up. Dean stumbled out of bed and into the shower. Just as soon as he got the water temperature right, Cas got in with him.

Dean moaned. “Damn, I wish I had time to fuck you.”

Cas shushed him and soaped him up. He washed Dean carefully. When he washed Dean’s balls and behind them, Dean moaned again.

“Shit, Cas. I’m gonna be horny all day now.”

Cas rinsed him off and they got out. Cas dried him and kissed him.

“Finish getting ready, Dean.”

Cas was there to kiss him again as he left.

 

Cas puttered around the apartment. He cleaned every room. He put fresh sheets on the bed. He tried to read but nothing really interested him. He was bored. But he had promised Dean. He needed to talk to Dean before he left and tried to find something to occupy himself.

The phone rang and Cas ran to answer it. It was Dean.

“How are you doing, baby? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, Dean. Just missing you.”

“Oh hell yeah. I miss you so much. I got a hard on a little bit ago.”

“Dean, you didn’t!”

“Fuck yeah I did. Thinking about you.”

They chatted for a minute more and then Dean had to go. Cas felt even lonelier and more lost.

 

When Cas finally heard Dean’s key in the lock he ran to the door. He hugged Dean tightly.

“Oh, you missed me I see.”

“I missed you so much, Dean.”

“Okay, baby, let me change.”

 

They sat down and had a beer. Cas told Dean that he had to find something to do outside the apartment. “I’m used to working, Dean. Being useful. I have to find something that lets me help people.”

Dean understood. In fact, he felt that Cas needed something to keep his mind off of the church. It worried Dean a lot. He was afraid that Cas would need to go back.

“I’m sure there is something out there for you, babe. Just part time though. I also need you here. You could even volunteer. We don’t need money.”

Cas said he was going to out and walk around the neighborhood the next day and see if he could find a place where he could work. Dean agreed as long as he had his phone with him.

Cas was going to fix dinner, but Dean insisted on taking him out. “You need to get out of here for a while, baby.”

They went to a little diner that Dean had eaten at a lot before he met Cas. They had cheeseburgers and fries and they were delicious.

Back home, Dean pulled Cas to him.

“Gotta have you baby. Need you right now.”

They stripped and fell onto the bed. They kissed hot and messy. They ran their hands over every inch of each other. Their cocks were rubbing against each other. Facing each other, Dean pulled Cas’ top leg over his hip and reached behind to find his hole and finger him.

Then Dean lay on his back. Cas watched him lube up his cock. Then Dean grabbed Cas and pulled him on top of him. Cas was straddling Dean.

“Fuck yourself on me. Use my cock for yourself, Cas.”

Cas positioned himself above Dean’ cock. He sat down on it, letting it slide into him. Cas sat down completely, feeling Dean’ cock fill him up. He leaned forward and put his hands on Dean’s chest. He began to lift himself up, feeling Dean slide out of him, then he pushed down again. He fucked himself on Dean, and he went faster, sitting down harder each time. He fucked himself with a frenzy. Dean had never see him like this.

Cas’ cock lay on Dean’s belly. Dean grabbed it and fisted it. Cas moaned and added a thrust into Dean’s hand to his frantic up and down. Just when Dean was feeling himself coming, Cas came. He filled Dean’s hand with cum, and it dribbled onto Dean’s belly. Cas still sat on him. His cock softened but Cas held it inside him by tightening on it.

Dean asked, “Babe, are you okay?’

Cas nodded, but he had tears in his eyes.

Dean pulled him off and lay him down next to him.

“Cas, what’s wrong?”

Cas sniffed and a tear slid down his face. “I have no experience. I only know what you teach me. I want to be better for you. I just wish I had experience for you.”

Dean kissed Cas’ face. “Baby, listen to me. Pay attention, okay? You gave me the most precious gift you could ever give anyone. You gave me your virginity. I value that, baby, I honor it. I don’t need you to be experienced. I don’t care about that. I had a lot of men who were experienced. And it was shit every time. But you. You are a gift to me every time we make love. And that’s what we do. I say I fuck you but really, I make love to you every time. I want to teach you. I want you to explore me. I’m so proud to be your man. I’m proud that I get to teach you about fucking, about making love with me. Just hold on to me and let me teach you. I love you, Cas. I love you exactly as you are.”

Cas was crying, “I love you so much Dean. I want to learn. I want to learn everything.”

 

Five a.m. The alarm goes off. Cas got into the shower with Dean again and washed him. Dean grabbed Cas and said, “Fuck, Cas. I swear I’m going to start getting up at four thirty so I can fuck you in here.”

Cas smiled. “No, you’re not. Now, turn around so I can wash your back.”

 

With Dean off to work, Cas drank coffee and thought about his day. He intended to walk around, looking for a place where he could at least volunteer. He figured he would head out later this morning and possibly have lunch at the diner. He was very excited.

He was ready to go about ten. Dressed nicely but not too dressed up, he grabbed his phone and headed out. He locked the door and put the key in his pocket. It was a nice day. Cas walked around for a little over an hour but he still hadn’t seen anywhere that really interested him.

Suddenly he heard a woman’s voice say, “Father Cas?”

He turned around to stand face to face with Sister Hannah.

“Uh, Hello Sister. How are you?”

She ran up and threw her arms around him.

He disengaged from her. She was smiling. “Oh Father, we didn’t even know if you were still in town. You are so missed. Are you all right?”

Cas felt so sad. “Yes, Sister, I’m fine. And it’s just Cas now. I’m not a priest any more. In fact, I am fairly sure the Church is getting ready to excommunicate me.”

Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh no. Father that’s terrible. And you will always be Father Cas to me. May I say something to the other Sisters? They miss you so much.”

“Yes, Sister. Tell them I said hello. I am fine and I am happy.”

They said their goodbyes and Sister Hannah went on down the street.

Cas felt such pain in his chest he had to sit down on a bus bench. He felt panicky. “Sinner. You’re a sinner,” echoed in his head. He wished he could call Dean just to hear his voice, but Dean was at work. He struggled to catch his breath. “You’re a sinner….”

When he could, Cas just went home. He unlocked the door and ran inside. He fell on the couch and sobbed. Why was he torn between his love for God and the man who loved him more than life? Why did he have to choose? Cas felt angry but he also felt lost, betrayed by the Church he had loved and served so well for so many years.

The phone rang. Dean. Cas just let it ring. Within a minute it rang again. He really didn’t want to worry Dean so he answered.

“Cas? Is everything all right? Why didn’t you answer?”

Cas tried to sound normal. “Sorry, I was in the bathroom.”

Dean sounded skeptical but said okay. They chatted for a minute and then hung up.

 

When Dean walked in, Cas was sitting on the couch. Dean immediately said, “Okay, what happened.”

Cas sighed. “I ran into Sister Hannah on the street.”

Dean kneeled down next to Cas. “Oh baby, no. I’m so sorry.”

Cas said, “No, no, she was lovely to me. Said they all missed me. She hugged me, Dean.”

Cas looked up at Dean with tears in his eyes, “She hugged me.”

 

 


	9. We've A Lot Of Starving Faithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finds a place to volunteer.

Dean put his arms around Cas and hugged him tight.  
“See? I am hugging you too, baby. Look at me. Please don’t leave me, Cas. Please don’t. I’ll die if you leave me. Please don’t go back.” Dean had tears streaming down his face.  
Cas put his hands on either side of Dean’s face.  
“Dean, I will never leave you. I swear. Never. I promise you. I’ll never go back. I just got sad, that’s all. It hurt me.”  
Dean sagged against him. “Oh thank you. I worry all the time that you’ll go back. I know what being a priest meant to you. I know the hole it left in you when you chose me, Cas. I need you more than they do. I hate them for making you choose. I hate them.”  
They just held on to each other.

They had a nice dinner. After cleaning up, Dean said to Cas, “I have made love to you every single night since you moved in here. I don’t want to break that streak. Can I make love to you? Now?”  
Cas walked over to where Dean sat. He bent over and kissed him.  
“Of course, you goof. Come on.”  
They went to the bedroom.

In the bedroom. Clothes were shed. Cas looked shyly at Dean and said, “I really loved it when I was on my stomach and you laid on top of me. Can we do that?”

Dean grinned, “You bet, baby.”

Cas told him the sheets were clean and ran to get a towel. Cas put it on the bed and lay down on it, face down. Dean started by kissing the back of Cas’ neck. Cas giggled and told Dean that gave him goosebumps. 

Dean kissed his way down Cas’ spine. He spread his legs and kissed the insides of his thighs. He got some lube and lubed himself up, also putting some on his hand. He shoved two fingers into Cas. 

Cas really didn’t need to be opened up much anymore, regular sex had helped a lot. But Dean loved to finger fuck Cas. He loved seeing his fingers slide in and out of Cas almost as much as he did watching his dick do the same thing. 

But he couldn’t wait long. He got on Cas and slid his cock into him. Cas moaned. Dean shoved in all the way and just held there a moment. Feeling himself inside the man he loved was the best feeling in the universe.

He trapped Cas under him and began to move in and out. Cas groaned, “Faster. Harder.”

Dean plowed in and out of him. The position prevented Dean from getting into Cas fully, but it was still exquisite. Cas was rubbing his cock on the towel and soon, he whispered, “Dean, I’m coming…” He clenched down on Dean’s cock so tightly that Dean came in him.

When Dean pulled out he put his mouth over Cas ’hole and licked and sucked all of his cum out of Cas’ open hole. Cas was actually squealing. Dean lifted his head and said, “I love eating you out, little one.” He dived right back in. 

He gave Cas some of his cum on his tongue. Cas licked it hungrily. 

Cas ventured back out. He was walking and suddenly, he came upon a building that had a sign reading, ‘Independent Catholic Services.’ Cas looked through the window. There was a waiting room filled with people. These people looked poor, or working class poor. A receptionist was helping a woman fill out some forms. 

Cas took a deep breath and walked in. He waited until the receptionist was not busy and he went up to her. He explained that he was looking for someplace to do volunteer work. She used the phone and told someone. Then she led him back through a series of hallways to an office.  
Inside was a very intimidating-looking woman who told him to sit down. She introduced herself as Sister Ellen. Cas got a bad feeling and stood up.

“I think I may have made a mistake. I think I should leave.”

Ellen looked at him and asked, “And why is that?”

Cas stammered that he used to be a priest.

Ellen told him to sit down in no uncertain terms. Cas did.

She smiled and said, “So, tell me about it.”

Cas told her everything. He told her about his years in the priesthood. He told her about meeting Dean and how he had tried to resist the temptation but it had been too much for him. He told her about how he loved Dean and Dean loved him. How they lived together in a committed relationship. He also told her about the hole in his life.

She stopped him. “And I suppose the Church told you that you were an abomination going straight to hell for loving Dean. Those mother fuckers.”  
Cas’ eyes got big. 

Ellen said, “Sorry but the Church pisses me off. Look, Cas, everyone who works here has either left the Church or been thrown out. I’m in a long term committed relationship with a former nun. None of us here believe that love has boundaries or rules. None of us believe we are going to hell just for loving another person.”

Cas couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had found a place where he could be himself.

They arranged for Cas to start volunteering three days a week. He would start the following Monday, He filled out forms and met everyone. He was so excited he couldn’t wait to tell Dean the good news.

 

Cas sat waiting to hear Dean’s key in the lock. When he finally arrived, Cas ran to him and hugged him so tightly Dean said he couldn’t breathe.   
Cas told him all about the agency and Ellen. When he told Dean that Ellen had called the Church ‘mother fuckers’ Dean roared with laughter.   
Dean was incredibly relieved. At last, Cas could feel useful and do good for people without the Church. 

When Cas finished, he got down on his knees in front of Dean and put his hand over Dean’s cock through his pants. Dean looked down and looked at him, amazed. Cas had never initiated sex before. It was great.

Cas unzipped Dean’s fly and reached in. He found Dean’s cock and pulled it out. He put his mouth on it and Dean groaned. Cas ran his mouth tightly up and down the shaft and licked pre cum off the head. Dean jumped up, grabbed Cas and threw him over his shoulder, carrying him to the bed. Cas giggled wildly.

Dean dumped Cas on the bed and pulled his clothes off. He sat on the bed and undressed Cas. Then they were kissing passionately and wildly, biting each other’s lips. 

Dean pulled Cas’ top leg up and shoved all four fingers into him. Cas grunted and then gasped. Dean ran them in and out of Cas hard. Moaning, Cas pushed against Dean’s hand.

They laid facing each other. Dean pulled Cas’ top leg up to press against his chest. He rolled his hips over on top of Cas’ ass and shoved in. Cas grabbed Dean’s thigh and dug his fingers in, pulling Dean closer.

Dean couldn’t move in and out of Cas very much in this position but he could still move a little. He played back and forth in Cas. The lack of any big movement was driving them both crazy. 

Cas moaned, “Oh, fuck, Dean. Oh… god, I…”

Dean felt like if he couldn’t pull out more he would lose his mind but still he didn’t move. He just pushed in and pulled back the little bit that he could.

It seemed to last forever. They both needed more but they couldn’t move. Finally, Cas began to whisper, “Oh fuck, Dean, I’m coming…” and he shot cum in between them. Dean was so close it was maddening but he couldn’t quite get there. Even with Cas tightening on his cock it was just out of reach. He groaned and tried to thrust harder.

Cas reached down and grabbed Dean’s balls. He pulled on them and squeezed them. That was all Dean needed. He cried out and came so hard he felt like his balls exploded. 

Once Dean got his breath back he said, “Holy fuck, Cas. That was incredible. You need to come on to me more often.” 

Cas just glowed.


	10. No Masters Or Kings When The Ritual Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas Gets Raped.

At last it was the weekend. This had been the longest week of Dean’s life. He had a bad feeling that all his weeks were going to be like that, waiting for the weekends to spend his with Cas.

They lay in bed. Even though the alarm hadn’t gone off, they were accustomed to waking up at five and it didn’t matter that it was Saturday. Dean had Cas in his arms; Cas was snuggled in with his head in Dean’s neck. 

Dean sighed. “I never want to leave this bed, baby.”

Cas smiled. He snuggled in closer.

 

Cas was taking Dean later to see the place where he would be volunteering. But for now, they had all the time in the world. 

“Fuck, I gotta piss.” Dean got up and took a long, satisfying piss and Cas lay there, listening to him. Dean came out of the bathroom. Cas looked him over. He was so magnificent. His hard chest, huge arms, and that incredibly thick, long cock. His balls hung low behind it. It made Cas hard just to look at him.

“Wow, Cas,” Dean smiled, looking at him. “What made you stand at attention?”

“You, Dean.”

 

In no time, Cas’ legs were on Dean’s shoulders and Dean was shoving in and out of him. Dean was pulling all the way out of him and then forcing back in.

“Yeah, baby, Open that hole for me. Let me in. Let me in every time.”

Cas actually clenched his hole when Dean shoved in him. He made himself tight both to drive Dean crazy and to give himself flashes of pain. He loved the pain. Not too much pain but flashes, yeah. He loved that. He craved that.

Plus, driving Dean nuts was the icing on that cake. Dean had his eyes closed tightly and he was lost in feeling Cas open for him. Cas was so tight on any given day but when he tightened up this way, it was incredible. Sometimes Dean thought he wouldn’t be able to even get his cock in. But Cas opened for him every time.

“Cas, I’m gonna…” Dean came so hard he saw only black for a moment. He thought he was going to pass out. He grunted and shoved in one last time, all the way in, and shot hot cum into Cas over and over again.

Feeling Dean fill him tipped Cas over. He came all over Dean. 

 

They were in the shower. Cas was washing Dean, as usual. When he soaped up Dean’s balls and reached between his legs, Dean’s cock got hard.

“Mother fucker. I told you, Cas, you are killing me here.’

He rinsed off and grabbed Cas. He lifted him up, and Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist. He put his arms around Dean’s neck and Dean shoved him down onto his dick. Dean’s cock forced him open and slid all the way in.

Dean growled, “I told you. I fucking told you that made me nuts.” He slid Cas up and down along the shaft of his cock. Dean backed them up against the back wall of the shower. His hands had fists full of Cas’ ass, spreading him far apart. He lifted Cas and jammed him back down.

Cas had his head thrown back against the shower wall and his eyes were shut tight. 

Dean growled again and came. He held Cas on his cock until he got soft. Then he lifted him off. He grabbed Cas’ cock and jacked him off without saying a word. When Cas came, it shot onto his belly. 

Dean turned and washed them both off. They got out and dried off. Dean still hadn’t said anything.

Then he turned and held Cas by his arms.

“I told you, sometimes you make me crazy. You touch me in a certain way and I just have to have you. On the spot. And sometimes I can’t control myself. I will fuck you senseless. I will fuck you hard. This,” and here he waved his arm towards the bathroom, “This was nothing. I don’t want to hurt you; I never want to hurt you. But Cas, you make me nuts sometimes.”

Cas smiled and touched Dean’s face.

“I love the hurt, Dean. I love it. And it makes me feel so good to know I can drive you nuts.”

Dean just shook his head.

 

They went out to breakfast and then Cas took Dean to the place he would be volunteering at. They walked in and the receptionist greeted Cas warmly. She told him to go back and find Ellen. They found her in the food bank. 

“Hey Cas. Wow. This must be the priest whisperer. Happy to meet you, sport, I’m Sister Ellen.”

Dean grinned and said, “Priest whisperer?”

“Yeah, handsome. You sure bagged yourself a peach here.”

They both grinned at Cas. 

 

Ellen called another woman in. “Meet Sister Catherine, my life partner.” 

They all chatted a bit. While Cas was talking with Catherine, Dean pulled Ellen aside.

“Look,” Dean told her, “I really want to thank you for giving Cas a chance. He was really lost and in pain. As much as we love each other, there was a hole in him I just couldn’t fill. I was terrified he would go back.”

Ellen patted his shoulder. “He’d never go back, Dean. He loves you too much. But I get the part about being lost. I was, for a long time. It really hurts. It sucks a big wang, frankly.”

Dean laughed.

 

They grocery shopped on the way home. Cas was a great cook. Dean was eating better than he ever had in his life. After putting the groceries away, they sat and watched some TV. Dean turned to Cas and said, Let’s make out.”

They kissed and kissed and kissed. Their lips were swollen and sore and still they kissed. They ran their hands over each other’s chests and backs.

They nipped necks and kissed ears. 

Dean mumbled, “Goddam I love you.”

Cas said around a kiss to Dean’s ear, “I love you too.”

 

Finally, it was time to make dinner. Cas broke away and went to the kitchen. Dean reached after him, whining, “Come back. Don’t leave me, Cas…”

Cas just laughed.

 

They spent a wonderful weekend. They laughed, slept, played with one another and they had a lot of mind blowing sex.

Monday rolled around. Dean got ready and left for work. He talked to Cas a lot about being safe walking to and from work. He said he would call him. He kissed him and left.

Cas walked to work and was feeling very happy. Ellen has him helping in the food bank most of the day. Later in the afternoon, Cas had some garbage to throw out in the dumpster in the alley. As he was dumping the trash, he heard noises. Then he heard a woman yell.

Cas ran down the alley and found two men assaulting a woman. They had her pressed up against a fence and were attempting to pull her clothes off. Cas ran up and hit one of the men. They both turned on him. He yelled to the woman to run and she did.

The men took turns hitting Cas. He was on the ground. One man grabbed him and held his arms while the other man pulled down Cas’ pants. Cas struggled and begged them not to hurt him but they just laughed.

Ellen was asking around for Cas. Finally, one of the workers in the food bank said that he had taken trash out back, but she didn’t think he had come back in for a while. Ellen grabbed a baseball bat and headed out back. She looked around and then heard the sounds from down the alley. She ran and saw one man holding Cas down while the other one was raping him. Ellen ran up and took a huge swing, hitting the rapist in the back of the head. He went down like he had been shot. The other man let go of Cas and ran away.

Ellen screamed for help. 911 was called.

 

Dean ran into the hospital like a wild man. He ran up to the help desk and yelled for Cas. He was directed to the second floor nurses’ station. When he got there, he saw Ellen and Catherine talking to a doctor. Ellen looked up and told the doctor that Dean was Cas’ husband.

Dean looked crazed. “Where is he? Is he all right? What happened to him? What the fuck happened, Ellen?”

The doctor explained everything to him. Cas had been attacked by two men. He had a concussion and a broken hand. But during the attack, he had been torn and required stitches.

“Torn? What do you mean torn?”

The doctor looked very sad. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d been told. Your husband was raped by two men.”

Dean looked from the doctor to Ellen and back again.

“Raped? Cas got raped?”

Ellen tried to explain. She told Dean the men were in police custody. But Dean couldn’t hear her. He just wanted to see Cas.


	11. There Is No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean deal with the aftermath of the rape

Cas looked so small in the hospital bed. One side of his face was swollen and his eye was swollen shut. His left hand was in a cast. He just lay there looking lost. When he looked up and saw Dean he turned his face away.

Dean ran to him. “Oh baby, baby. Look at you. Look at what they did to you. Oh my god, Cas.” He kissed Cas all over the side of his face that was not swollen but Cas just lay there and didn’t speak.

Dean sat down hard in the chair and pulled it close to the bed. 

“Baby, please talk to me. Please, Cas. Say something.”

Cas kept his face turned away. “I’m dirty now, Dean.”

“Dirty? Cas you are not dirty. You got attacked. It wasn’t your fault. You are my same sweet baby.”

Cas turned his head and looked at Dean.

“Dean, they fucked me.”

“Goddamn it Cas. They did not fuck you. They raped you. There is no comparison. They hurt you. On purpose. Please, baby. Please stop. You’re blaming yourself and there is no blame. Please, Cas, I love you. Please, get angry. They hurt you for their own pleasure. They deserve to be dead.”

Cas began to cry. “They hurt me Dean. It hurt. Dean I had to have stitches. I… my…” He cried harder.

 

The next day, Cas saw a rape therapist who talked to him for a long time. This seemed to help him a lot. Ellen went in and talked to him when Dean went to get food. Cas finally seemed to be coming around. Dean had slept with him, holding him in his arms the night before. Cas had whimpered in the night but slept.

The doctor told them Cas could go home. His stitches were dissolving ones that would be gone in a week. He was on antibiotics, both for the injuries and the danger of STDs. They had tested him and he had come back clean but it was just for safety’s sake. 

Dean drove them home and made Cas lay down on the couch. He covered him with a throw and brought him soup. He sat next to him and rubbed his back. Cas sighed.

“Dean, we can’t have sex for a week.”

“I know baby. It’s fine. We will be fine. I’ll be fine.”

“Dean, I’m so sorry that I got into this. I should have just called 911 instead of running in that way. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Baby, you did a very brave thing. I’m very proud of you. You probably saved that woman’s life.”

“It’s hard not to feel ashamed. I can’t stand the fact that those men were in me. It makes me feel dirty no matter what the therapist says. I hate it.”

“Cas, you have got to stop thinking that way. You really have to try. No one thinks you are dirty. No one blames you. Look at me.”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes. “I don’t think you are dirty. I don’t blame you. I blame them and I hate them for what they did to you. But you are still my sweet baby. I love you more than ever, Cas. I love you.”

 

Dean took care of Cas. He actually cooked, cleaned and got Cas whatever he needed. He made sure Cas took his pills. Cas still whimpered in his sleep and the second night he had a terrible nightmare. But gradually, Cas’ attitude got better.

 

The third day, Cas sat Dean down and said he wanted to talk. 

“Dean, I realize we can’t have sex. But please, I need something. I need to blow you or jack you off or something. I am too restless and I feel too guilty. Plus,” and here he looked at the ground, “I still feel like you don’t find me as desirable as you used to.”

Dean jumped up and grabbed Cas, dragging him to the bedroom. As he took Cas’ clothes off he said, “Now you listen here. I not only find you as desirable, I have been losing my mind not touching you. I didn’t want to rush you, but baby, I am horny as hell.”

He took his clothes off too and lay down with Cas on the bed. Dean got over Cas in the 69 position. He dipped his hips so that Cas had access to his cock and he took Cas in his mouth. He sucked on the head of Cas’ dick and then ran his mouth up and down the shaft. He used every trick he had ever known to make this good for Cas. 

Cas, in turn, was using his mouth on Dean in ways Dean had taught him. Dean tasted so good. Cas took as much as he could of Dean into his mouth. He sucked and tongued, until he felt himself getting ready to cum. 

“Dean, I’m gonna cum now…”

He shot into Dean’s mouth, who sucked it all and swallowed. Then Cas went back to work on Dean and in no time, he was coming too. Dean groaned and thrust just a little into Cas’ mouth. He was ever mindful of not gagging him.

When they were done, Dean held Cas. “Better, little one?”

Cas smiled, “Yeah, better.” 

 

Later in the week, Dean insisted on checking Cas’ hole. Cas was embarrassed but he got on his hands and knees and put his ass in the air for Dean. Dean looked closely at it, and then very tenderly touched it. “Does that hurt?” Cas assured him that it didn’t. Dean sucked on his finger and got it wet. He very carefully put just the tip inside Cas. 

“Does that hurt?”

“No, Dean. It feels fine.”

“I don’t see any sign of the stitches. I ‘m pretty sure we will be able to make love in a couple of days, baby.” 

They had been jacking each other off and giving each other blow jobs, but they were both anxious to resume sex. Cas hadn’t had another nightmare. He was scheduled to see the doctor on Monday and had another appointment with the rape counselor then. Dean was very concerned about them having sex. He was afraid it would give Cas flashbacks. But he had to try.

It was Saturday morning. Dean was still sleeping. Cas lay awake and watched him. Cas really wanted Dean to fuck him but he was afraid, too. He knew he had to overcome his fear or it would end their relationship. He loved Dean too much. He had to try.

Cas touched Dean’s cock. It twitched and hardened just a little. Cas grabbed it loosely in his good hand and moved him hand up and down. Dean mumbled and moved his hips. His cock got harder. Cas looked at his face and Dean was smiling at him.

“Baby, you ready?”

Cas nodded.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this, you know.”

Cas smiled and said, “No Dean, I’m ready. I want to.”

 

Dean took his time. He kissed Cas a lot and tongued his way down Cas’ throat. He sucked and nipped on his nipples. He trailed his mouth down and took Cas in his mouth. Then he pushed Cas’ legs open and up and rimmed him. Cas gasped. 

Eventually, he put a lot of lube on his hand and gently pushed a finger into Cas. Cas was tight so Dean took his time. He slowly worked his way up to having three fingers in him and then he gently fucked them in and out. Cas was short of breath and looked like he was fine. 

Finally, there was nothing else to do. Dean lubed his cock up and pushed Cas’ legs onto his shoulders. He kept eye contact with Cas at all times, and then he very carefully put the head if his cock inside Cas. Cas eyes got big and a little frightened-looking but Dean persisted. He very slowly continued to push in. Cas grabbed his shoulders and dug his fingers in, hanging on.

 

Finally, Dean was all the way in Cas. He paused there, making sure Cas was relaxed. Then he pulled out and pushed back in. Cas gasped. His eyes were huge. But he never said to stop so Dean didn’t.

Dean said, “Cas, baby it’s me. It’s me.”

Cas looked at him. His eyes relaxed and he smiled. 

“I love you Dean.”

“I love you too baby.”

From then on, it was good. Cas pushed against him and he felt more comfortable going a little faster. 

Dean whispered, “Cas? Can you touch yourself? Make yourself cum for me?”

Cas grasped his cock and began to move his hand up and down. Soon he was pushed hard against Dean and moaning. He shot cum onto himself.  
Dean sped up and fucked Cas a little harder. He still was far from his normal pace but it was good and Cas seemed to be enjoying it. Dean felt his orgasm rising and he said, “Cas, baby, I’m gonna cum in you.” 

Cas smiled at him and he shot over and over, releasing a week’s worth of frustration into Cas.

 

He pulled out and gathered Cas in his arms. “Are you okay? Was it good for you baby?”

Cas snuggled into his chest. “Oh yeah, it was good. It was better than good.”

Dean heaved a huge sigh of relief.


	12. Only Then I am Human, Only Then I Am Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this. If you leave a comment, and I hope you will, please be kind.

Cas was in talking to the rape counselor. After a bit, the counselor came out and asked Dean to join them.

“Cas and I have been talking about some of his feelings after the attack. He assures me that you have been completely supportive and I just want to commend you for that.”

Dean said, “I don’t need commending. Someone hurt the love of my life. It’s my job to do everything I can to help him get better and get past it.”

The counselor smiled at him. “Well, you’re doing a good job. Cas tells me that the two of you had intercourse on Saturday.”

“That’s right.”

“And it went well for you? Cas told me that after a bit of fear, you helped him overcome it and that it was enjoyable for him.”

Dean was a little uncomfortable talking about this, but he said, “Yes. It was very enjoyable for me too.”

The counselor told them that Cas didn’t need to come back unless something came up that he was concerned over.

 

Cas and Dean walked out hand in hand. “Thank you for talking with him, Dean. I know it made you uncomfortable.”

“Anything for you, little one.”

 

Little by little things returned to normal. Dean went back to work, but Cas didn’t feel ready to go back to his volunteer job yet. Their sex was back to being mind-blowing.

One night a couple of weeks later, shortly after getting his cast off, Dean was awakened by Cas screaming.

“No, no, please. Stop it. It hurts. Stop…” and he was thrashing around. Dean grabbed him and tried to wake him up. He fought against Dean hard. Dean grabbed his hands and held them.

“Cas. Cas wake up baby. Wake up, It’s just a nightmare. Cas.”

Cas eyes opened up and he had a wild look. He struggled just a little and then just stopped.

“Dean. I was… I was dreaming.”

Dean held him close. “I know baby; it was just a bad dream. It’s not real. You’re safe.”

Dean held Cas. He felt a surge of hatred for those men so strong it took his breath away. He wanted to kill them. He wanted to cut their cocks off and shove them up their asses.

Cas said in a tiny voice, “Dean, you have to let go of this anger.”

Dean looked down at him and said, “I don’t know if I can.”

Cas said, “You have to forgive them.”

“Dean looked shocked. “Forgive them? Cas, can you forgive them?”

“Not yet, Dean, but I will. Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator; it is for the victim. It is what makes a victim into a survivor. And I will be a survivor, Dean.”

“Fuck, Cas, you are so amazing. You are just an incredible person.”

Cas just sighed and snuggled.

 

Time passed. Cas became very involved in the gay community. Eventually he organized a huge rally for the gay survivors of violence. The community was shocked to find out there had been so much violence against gays and laws were eventually changed.

Cas spoke out against Church doctrine as well. Dean was so incredibly proud of him.

They married in the spring after being together for six years.

Cas had become a survivor and helped so many to also become survivors. Even Dean learned to forgive.

 

 

 


End file.
